I am going to tell my parents that I will move out and start living in my apartment(which is around 3 kms from my parent’s place)! Yes, finally I have made my decision, but God knows if I will be successful in actually executing it.  I shouldn’t be giving too much of time between my announcing and actually moving..

I need to do this for everyone’s sake and my sake too.. I have been feeling ..that I have been living someone else’s live .. forgotten who I am ..where do I fit in? I am a faithful and caring daughter for both my parents… mediator of their arguments.. chaufferer for my sister and her needs (which is not often.. but there is a likelyhood of it increasing with the arrival of the second baby).. and a pampering aunt for my niece ..and the like ..you get the drift..Where am I?  I don’t mind being there for everyone, almost all the time.. but sometimes I feel like I don’t have time to do what ‘I’ want to do ..cause someone’s need is bigger and I am available.. (being wanted is not so bad..cause you always have something to do, right?)And over a period of time i am beginning to resent that.. no one knows how I feel and I am sure they wouldn’t understand where I am coming from.. Probably i might realise that this whole wanting my space is a big nonsense too.. and I had made this up all in my mind.. But I wouldn’t know until  I am there right? Moving out and still being closer would mean I get my space and still be around for them..But it would also mean that I would loose out on a rent and a handsome deposit which could help pay off my housing loan earlier.. But then again.. we cannot weight all things on a materialistic scale. 

I had taken 3 days off, which was on random, but now it might seem to my parents like it was planned.. I have gone over this in my mind multiple times.. whether it is right or wrong.. whether they will think I am abandoning them.. whether I am a bad daughter by wanting to have my space..blah blah.. and so many more.. I have lost count on the reasons .. of guilt that I am tormented with .. which i am sure to not get rid of so easily.. I am sure this will come back and haunt me again..I have been praying about my decision..so far haven’t felt that I need to go back on it.  So, i will have to break the news just before I run off to work again on Monday.. Its not that I haven’t tried telling this to them before..but they have never taken me seriously..so this time rather than ‘asking’ , I am gonna be ‘telling’ them, I just hope and pray that they make this easier for me.   Also the bigger problem being that I actually ‘give in’ again.. another big scare …God, please let them not fall ill.  Composing my opening statement..before all the hell breaks loose..